What happens at the Blitzkrieg's house
by some stuff
Summary: Ever wondered what happens inside the Blitzkrieg's house when no one is around? Just a glimpse on the normal life of our favourite phychotic russians. Rated T for swearing like a proud sailor.
1. Not a squirrel

Hello there people! Follow me and my brain into these random little stories that I think in my spare time! :D

Btw, I'm sorry for any grammatical mistake.

**I do not own Beyblade ):**

"**YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD YOU LITTLE BITCH!"**

Spencer was welcomed by Bryan's tasteful sense of picking out violent words. He closed the door annoyed and put the groceries he just bought in a table.

What in the world was Bryan angry at? He was alone, he had nobody to fight or torture and last time he checked the house there were no squirrels around.

The Whale climbed the stairs carefully, ready to be attacked by his psychotic brother… Like that one time when Bryan was hunting a spider so he accidently knocked Tala out with a baseball bat.

He found the Falcon inside Kai's room throwing several objects at random places.

"What are you doing?" The blond asked dodging a book. Man, Kai was going to kill them if he found his room looking like a battlefield.

"What does it look like?" Bryan asked irritated scrutinizing the room to find his prey and throwing a pillow to a lamp a few seconds later, crashing loudly into the floor.

Spencer stood in silence for a few moments frowning slightly. "You're hallucinating again, aren't you? How many times have I told you to take your medica-"

"I already told you I do take the damn pills Spence" He said after tackling a wardrobe down. "THERE IT IS!" He pointed accusingly to the air regaining his composure.

Spencer took a while to find what his brother was pointing at. He was hunting what seemed to be a tiny innocent _bee_.

"A_ bee…_" Spencer stated flatly. "You're kidding right?"

"That bastard stung me, so I'm going to murder it" The Falcon sniggered evilly with a mad glint in his eyes.

"-Sigh- I'm going to go find the first-aid kit" The giant surrendered to Bryan's psychotic breakdown.

He went to his room and took the first-aid kit from under his bed. They brought it only 3 weeks ago and it was already half empty… They had to find a way to become less violent. Especially Bryan and Kai.

He was about to leave his room when he heard Bryan laugh like a maniac inside Kai's room. When he entered to see if his brother was mentally stable, he saw Bryan sprawled on the floor torturing his poor prey with a pencil stuck through its middle.

"I got you, you little shit" He sniggered psychotically twisting the pencil slowly.

Spencer shivered involuntarily, he made a mental note to never be on Bryan's bad side.

Suddenly the entrance door was heard. Spencer froze.

"Kai…?" He asked carefully.

"Yes?" Kai's voice was heard.

"…_Shit_"

…

That's it! What do you think? If you have any suggestions, please tell me so I can keep this thing going on. Oh, and don't forget to REVIEW! :)


	2. Statistics

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter :') You seriously have no idea what it means to me.

Shortest mini-story I've ever written! Next chap will be a suggestion by **Kiscia**.

Enjoy!

**I do not own Beyblade ):**

"So… Have any of you already got laid?" Ian suddenly asked in the middle of their breakfast.

Spencer almost drowned with his coffee coughing loudly just as Tala with his toast, Kai stared at the Snake shocked and Bryan burst out laughing like there was no tomorrow.

"What the hell is going through your dirty mind right now?" Kai asked disgusted, but quickly reconsidered his words. "You know what? I don't even want to know"

"Jesus Ian, breakfast is not the best time to ask about those things" Spencer scolded pointing his fork at his younger brother.

"Hahahah… Oh my God…" Bryan managed to say still laughing slightly and wiping away a few tears. "That just made my day, hahah"

"Why are you even asking shrimp?" Tala asked amused. "It's not like you will ever get laid anyways" He laughed and gave Bryan a bro-fist.

"Ha, ha. You're always so smart, asshole. I'm impressed" Ian said sarcastically.

"Language Ian" Spencer glared at him.

"So, -ou havn'th anshwerd the queshtion yeh" Bryan pointed out with his mouth stuffed with pancakes causing Spencer to slap him in the head. "Oush, -ath hurth"

"Well, my science teacher says that 1 out of every 4 guys from the age of 15-21 has already had sex. I was just wondering which one of you had already got laid" He asked curiously.

3…2…1… Tala and Bryan started laughing and pointed at Ian as he was retarded while Kai sniggered slightly.

"Ian, I don't think statistics work that way" The blond told him patting him on the back.

…

Okay, maybe this needs some explaining: A statistic is an average of several facts for a subject, it doesn't literally means 1 guy out of 4 has already had sex, it's just a way of saying 25% of the male population has already got laid at the age 15 to 21... If you were wondering...

Anyways, please tell me what you think! :D


	3. History lessons

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS SO FAR! Please accept a cyberhug from me! And yes, my English sucks.

I was finally inspired to finish this chapter thanks to today's México's Independence Day! ¡Felices fiestas patrias compadres paisanos!

ENJOY!

**I do not own Beyblade ):**

"_Why_?" Kai asked himself miserably letting his head fall hard on the table. 2 hours had passed since he began trying to finish his history homework.

He. Hated. History. There wasn't any logical explanation for it, he just couldn't figure out dates and facts of the French Revolution no matter how hard he tried.

And he was _Russian_ for God's sake! He didn't have to know about these things. He could tolerate Japanese history, he could even _like _Russian history, but there was absolutely no way in **hell **he could understand French history.

"Just shoot me now" He mumbled to no one in particular glaring at his homework.

"Hey Bryan! Get your ass here, Kai wants to get killed!" An annoying voice was heard from the other side of the living room.

"_Sweet!_" The Falcon's rushed steps echoed from upstairs.

Kai turned his head and threw an icy glare at Ian who instantly hid behind a corner. In that exact moment Bryan entered excitedly the living room carrying a large baseball bat with him.

"Before I kill you buddy, I've got to say that I'm honored you choose me to end your short and pathetic existence and-" The Falcon was hit in the head by a flying mug, courtesy of Kai, and landed painfully on the floor completely knocked out.

"Ian! Come here you little runt!" The Phoenix said sternly not caring for his passed out brother's safety.

"I'm sorry Kai! Please don't kill me!" Ian poked his head from the corner terrified to death.

The blunet boy just narrowed his eyes threateningly and pointed the chair next to him for Ian to sit.

"B-But-"

"NOW!"

The Snake didn't wait any longer and carefully walked towards Kai making sure he didn't step on Bryan. Once he was a good meter away from the table, Kai motioned him to sit next to him. Without having any other choice, Ian gulped and sat on the chair.

"So, Ian. You like history don't you?" The older one asked in a casual voice, as if he wasn't on a murderous mood just three seconds ago.

"Not really…" Ian began but changed his mind when Kai glared darkly at him. "I mean _yes_! I love history! Hahaha…" He laughed nervously.

"Great! Now tell me, when was King Louis XVI of France executed?"

"Uhh… I- I don't remember-" Ian said slowly but jumped on his seat when his brother snaped the pen he was using to write the answers with his hands.

"Try harder, I'm sure you know" He asked with an apparently calm voice.

…

The next day, Spencer was received into the house by a chaotic sight. Kai was yelling like a psycho and was chasing poor Ian with a chair.

Spencer sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose irritated.

"Why the _**fuck **_is Kai chasing Ian again?" The blond asked his two remaining brothers who were sitting in the couch watching the show.

"We have no idea!" Tala smirked without turning his gaze from his brothers.

"I hope the shrimp gets killed" Bryan mumbled angrily rubbing his forehead without noticing it. "I'm so going to get both of them"

"But we found this nailed on yours and Ian's door, so maybe it's a clue" The redhead gave his brother what seemed to be Kai's homework paper.

In the paper, there was a giant red circle around question 14 with the words '_YOU'RE DEAD'_ on capital letters.

"What's so special about question 14?" The Whale asked confused looking at Tala.

"Just read the answer" Their captain chuckled.

"'December 24th'…" Spencer read out loud skeptically.

"Wait, isn't that Christmas?" Bryan asked thoughtfully.

Tala laughed amusedly and Spencer face-palmed not believing his brothers' stupidity.

…

Phew! This one took a while! I hope you all liked it :) And for some historical notes, King Louis XVI was executed on 21 January 1793, so Ian's answer was just ridiculous. And we all know how Kai turns into a potential murder when he's annoyed.

Please don't forget to REVIEW! :D As always, any suggestions are welcomed!


	4. Ponies and TV

It's been a while hasn't it? Sorry for the long wait, but here's another chapter at last! PLEASE don't forget to review :) Any suggestions are welcomed!

Oh, and thanks to everyone who reviewed so far! :D

Enjoy!

**I do not own Beyblade ):**

He had left the TV remote alone for five minutes. FIVE almost non-existing minutes. And what was his luck? Tala had now claimed the TV remote and had deliberately changed the channel so he was now watching some kind of stupid violent show.

"HEY! What the hell Tala! I was watching something!" Ian yelled almost spilling the contents of his new poured bowl of cereal to the ground.

The redhead was lazily sprawled on the couch eating chips –_Ian's _chips-, and ignoring his brother.

"Yo! I'm talking to you!" The Snake barked walking towards his captain.

"I heard you, shrimp. You _were_ indeed watching a nerd's channel, thank you for noticing the obvious. And now, if you excuse me, I'm trying to watch something _way_ cooler" He said smugly turning the volume up so he wouldn't hear Ian's whining.

Ian, of course, got pissed off as hell and stood in front of the TV, effectively blocking Tala's view, which also got Tala angry.

"You better move your ass away from the TV, 'cause I swear I'm going to hurt you" The redhead threatened and stood up with the remote on his hand.

"I won't until you give me the TV remote"

"Move!"

"I said no! NOW GIVE IT TO ME!" The Snake launched himself towards Tala spilling his cereal all over the living room. As a result, a fierce, childish battle of stubbornness and punches began.

An hour later, they were both sitting on the couch, far away from each other, passive-aggressively watching an episode of My Little Pony when Bryan entered the house.

The Falcon was about to walk pass the scene if it weren't for the high pitched voice of one of the animated creepy talking mini horses. "Why the _**fuck **_are you watching that shit?" He asked truly concerned for his brothers' mental health.

"Tala broke the TV remote" Ian mumbled angrily.

"Pff- As if! You broke it you little twat" The captain glared at his brother and threw a couch pillow to his face.

"I did not you stupid tomato head!" Ian said furiously throwing the pillow back, which caused another pointless fight between the two.

Bryan skillfully took out his cellphone and started to record it for future black mail purposes while sniggering evilly.

"Pffff- Oh my God, this is gold!"

…

I'll try to update this fic as well as "What Blitzkrieg Boys Do" somewhere around this time :D


	5. School issues

Thank you for your reviews so far! It makes me seriously happy to read them :3

This was a request by **BrintySelf****, **I'm sorry it took this long!

I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes. Enjoy!

**I do not own Beyblade ):**

He genuinely wondered how could the man in front of him still be able to talk beneath his best impression of a death glare so far. Oh, if he only was aware of the slow and painful deaths Kai was planning for him inside his head if he didn't stop his babbling in the next immediate minute.

He couldn't take it anymore. His so called _history teacher_ was at it again, talking shit about Russians invading Japanese culture and some more racist stereotypes.

The little asshole _knew _Kai was half Russian, he had asked him so after learning he had the heir of a multibillion enterprise on his class.

"…And therefore, Russians cannot be trusted: the high level of vodka in their blood makes them even more aggressive…" Kai's eye twitched in annoyance for the hundredth time that day. "…And I bet most of them are part of the secret service of their government" Was the shithead even licensed to be a teacher?

"I am convinced their brains froze due to that weather" That. was. _fucking. it._

Kai calmly got up from his chair and loaded his blade in one smooth swift, pointing it directly to his teacher's confused face.

"What are you doing Mr. Hiwatari?!"

"DRANZER! BLAZING GIG" He yelled launching his blade just next to his face.

All hell broke loose.

One hour, one fire alarm, and half of the classroom destroyed later, Kai found himself waiting outside the Principal's office, with people passing by glancing at him fearfully.

He was so screwed. He would be forced to call Mr. D. since his grandfather was in jail, and he had no legal tutor.

Mr. Dickenson had agreed to let him and the rest of his team live alone only if they didn't get in trouble, since they were still minors. They had already failed that promise many times thanks to Bryan… and Tala… and Ian too. And nowhe was also part of the list. _Great._

The old chairman had threatened them to send them to different foster families if they managed to create a national turmoil like last time. _Thanks for that_ Bryan…

He needed to find a way to get out of this. If he were in Russia, he would have been able to make a few calls and everything would be sorted out; but here in Japan… There were just too many witnesses.

He sulked miserably on his chair and cursed his luck.

But then again, his brothers were in Japan visiting him for a few weeks… maybe he could use that to his favor.

He could call Tala to help him out, but… well, he would just laugh at him and call him an idiot, before hanging up the phone. He sighed irritated; and he was supposed to be his best friend? He was such a goddamned asshole...

He guessed he could call Spencer, but… oh no, forget Spence. He would just make his suffering worse and try to force some "sense of responsibility" to him. Yeah, right, like that was ever going to happen.

But, what about Bryan…? Now that was a good idea. The Falcon was always getting in trouble and knew how to manipulate and avoid authority.

Kai straighten his position on his chair with his new found hope of getting away of this mess. Bryan was one sneaky bastard, he was more than capable of helping him on this kind of situation.

He didn't waste any more time and directly dialed his brother's number on his cellphone.

After three tones, his brother mumbled with a muffed and sleepy voice _"Holy shit Kai, calling so damn early, not letting me sleep… What the fuck do you want now?" _He greeted him charmingly. Yup, he hadn't gotten over the jetlag yet.

"Listen, Bry, I need your help. I kind of… destroyed my classroom today and got called to the Principal's office"

"_You did what now?" _His tone changed from grumpy to amused in two seconds.

"I'll explain later, I need you to come and pretend to be my tutor so I won't have to call Dickenson"

"_And what do I gain from helping you, kid?" _

"The satisfaction of doing something illegal and helping out your favorite brother?"

"_Pfff- Suuure" _

Kai sighed in defeat once again. Of course he would ask for something in return, this was Bryan, after all.

"I'll help you prank Ian this time!" He suggested.

"_Is that all you've got?"_

"How about a brand new guitar?" Bryan loved music and was pretty good at it, and as his grandfather had thought him: always go for the weak spot.

"…_I'm in" _

And so, here they were, entering the Principal's office with a complicity smirk.

"Hello Mr. Toshiro, sir! My name is Alexander Vrakovich, the legal tutor of Kai" The Falcon greeted energetically offering his hand to the Principal.

The Principal took a moment to look intensely at Bryan –or 'Alexander', in this case- and shook hands with him longer and strongly than it was normal. "Please, Mr. Vrakovich, just call me Koji"

"…Okay, _Koji. _I heard Kai blew up his entire classroom, is that correct?" Bryan got straight to the point and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk; he had a weird feeling about this guy.

"Oh yes, Alexander, he did" Koji said moving his chair _just next to Bryan_, instead of taking his usual place on the other side of his desk. "Is it okay if I call you Alexander?"

"Uhh… I guess"

"You see Alexander, Mr. Hiwatari has been a very, _very _naughty boy" Koji said looking at the Falcon death in the eye. There was a tense and awkward silence in which Bryan and Kai didn't say anything and just glanced at each other for a brief moment. "I guess we're going to have to punish him" He winked at him and got out of the office to retrieve Kai's file.

As soon as he was out Bryan turned violently to Kai whispering angrily. "Did he just _wink_ at me?!"

Kai, on the other hand, was having a hard time trying to contain his laughter. "Pff-Yes he did" He let out a small chuckle.

"He can't _wink _at me Kai! I'm going to really beat him to death if he does it again" He threatened darkly, even though he knew he couldn't do that, it would risk being caught as an impostor, and then it would be even worse for both of them.

"I don't think he's only going to try to _wink _at you again, I think he's hitting on you Bry, you should be flattered!" Kai couldn't contain his laugher this time; his brother's face of utter despair was just too much to take in.

After a painful hour and a half, both Blitzkriegs got to finally head for Kai's mansion.

"You owe me big time Hiwatari" Bryan sentenced angrily opening the huge doors and making as much noise as he could manage to show his irritation, in case anyone was wondering.

"Oh, but you can't deny you enjoyed the attention _'Alexy'_" The Phoenix joked slightly and tried to avoid a punch from his brother, failing miserably.

"Next time I'm going to kick you in the balls, you hear me"

"Oh, common Bry, you did great" Kai replied rubbing his sore arm. "Not even a note for misbehaving, I'm really impressed"

"Yeah, you better be bitch, cause I'm not going back to that school ever again-" Bryan's whining was cut off by the ringing of his cellphone. "What?" He answered annoyed.

"_Alexy, honey? This is Koji speaking-" _Bryan threw his cellphone out of the window instinctively and glared skeptically at Kai.

"You gave him my number?!" He asked furiously only to realize Kai was already running far away from him.

"He asked for it! I didn't have any other choice!" He defended himself running for his life when Bryan started to sprint towards him with a murderous look on his eyes.

"YOU ARE DEAD KAI!"

…

I don't have anything against the LGBT community, my own sister is part of it! Same goes for all Russians, I mean, we all know they are hawt as hell :D, I just don't think the Blitz 'swing that way', and I also like to picture them as really awkward when they face that kind of situation XD

Please tell me what you thought of it! And if you have any more ideas for a chapter, do tell me!


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